I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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