Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
smell my finger.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
