I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
