All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i drank out of a bidet.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You need Xanax blowdarts
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
