hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
