i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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