Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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