I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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