We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
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I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
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Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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