They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
