just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i think i just lost a toe
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
