Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
