he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
