I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
