I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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