i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
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My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
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You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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