I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I don't deserve a penis
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
