I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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