I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
