He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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