I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
