At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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