Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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