he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
