somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
