Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
