I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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