she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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