Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
