I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he injected his testicle?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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