I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize