y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
