porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
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...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
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Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.