Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.