Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life