Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
