I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
