I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
