It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
