I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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