Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
