Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
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I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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