I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
high people should be assigned attendants
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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