Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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