I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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