$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
splinters make it hard to masturbate
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
