i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
