I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
