Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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