We won't sleep together?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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