there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
