you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
