Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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