last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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