No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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