I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
