How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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