so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
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GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
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I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize