im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
