I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
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