why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
