Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
