So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
