Porn is love you can see.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
