Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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